Wherefore Art Thou Gloria Patri??

Hi there.

22 days clean and sober today. I’ve been 22 days so many times before. I hope this is my last time. Usually I would say “this is my last time” but — then I’d wind up being back at 22 days at some point. This time, I’m more than a little scared and I’m more than a little desperate to hang on to my sobriety because I just don’t think its possible to do this on my own.

I’ve started this new thing the past few mornings. As soon as I wake up, which is always around five-something AM, I immediately thank God for another day, I thank Him for my sobriety, and I ask him for another day of sobriety and health. Then I ask him to please direct my thinking for the day and to divorce my thoughts from self-pity, dishonest and self-seeking motives. I ask Him how can I best serve Him and then I close with the Lords Prayer. After that I always fall back asleep for another hour or so. I am just so desperate to hang on to my sobriety this time, I know that I need to turn my will over to God for the day as soon as I wake up. I know this whole sobriety thing is a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual fitness.

God, do I sound like the AA big book or what? HA. Well — it works.

Spent lots of time this weekend with the guy I’m kind of seeing from Church. I’ll call him Sean. He’s wonderful. We went to dinner Saturday night, then we went to play arcade games before going to see that new Jane Fonda, Jason Bateman & Tina Fey movie, “This is Where We Leave You.” — It was such a funny movie!

Really enjoyed church this Sunday. We sounded good in the choir. I’m still annoyed with my pastor and not sure I like him. Which is tough for me, because I always have liked my clergy a great deal. More on him and the situation here later.

After church I went to lunch with Sean and my music minister joined us. We had great conversation. I brought up the fact that we rarely sing the Gloria Patri in the UMC. I’ve been a part of five different UMC congregations now in New York City, Texas, New Mexico and now Colorado. During this Methodist tenure, I think I have sung the Gloria Patri maybe twice. I grew up in the PCUSA. And when I was a kid, my favorite song was the Gloria Patri. Still is one of my favorites. I understand the modern controversy surrounding the Gloria Patri. The lyrics are solely focused on masculine pronouns for the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. I get that we all have, and are also entitled to our own conceptions of God. I just wish we could also hang on to some of our old songs and rituals as traditions. While the Emerging Church certainly sets out a place for people like me at the table, I do have a reverence for the Old Church. Can’t we just put an asterisk in the bulletin next to the Gloria Patri and say “*look, God can be a She too if thats what works for you, and it doesn’t have to be “the Son” if that doesn’t work for you, this is just an old-ass song that we like to sing sometimes.” ?

Maybe I’ll add in the Gloria Patri into my first prayer of the day.

Love you and may our God continue to bless us and keep us until next time.

MM

P.S.: Did you see the Broncos tie and go into OT on Sunday? So glad they came alive and put up a fight in the last minute. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAMENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. HA!

XOMM

Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, HOWDY

Hi. I’m Meth Methodist. I’m 36 years old and…. 19 days clean and sober. This is not my first recovery. This is like my tenth, and I pray, my last.

I was born and raised in New Mexico. Moved to NYC immediately after college to become the next Patti LuPone and instead, somehow became a stand-up comedian. I wasn’t a very good comedian, but I managed to make somewhat of a dent in the NYC comedy scene, mostly because I can sell myself. Or sell some cartoon version of myself that I think people want to hear or see. Somewhere along the way I fell hard on crystal meth of all goddamned things…. and addiction has been the monkey on my back for the past seven years.

I am now living in Denver. In a sober halfway house. Before that I was living with my Mom again in New Mexico. Before that I was back in New York for the second time. Before that I was working on a vineyard in Texas to get away from New York. Before that I was in New York. Before that I was just a little boy full of hope and innocent and had dreams.

They say Christ can make everything new again. I hope that is true. There’s so much to say. I’ll fill in the blanks as I go along. This is a project that was suggested to me by my therapist at my halfway house. She suggested I journal daily, so this is my daily, anonymous blog. I doubt anyone will read these entries, but if you do welcome and thanks for stopping by.

Peace and God Bless You,

Meth Methodist